Why I am so happy?

You ask me "why are you so happy what happened?"
Well....
I fell in love, I was not supposed to but I did. I fell so hard so fast, I did not think I was capable but, I was and I fell to my surprise.
The problem was I fell in love with someone that would never be in love with me. No matter how hard I tried I would never be his vodka and soda girl, I was born in February not June. I fell into the same routine as my marriage, loving someone that did not love me back. Trying to conform, putting my self growth on hold. Didn't I learn? I have so much love but I can never love someone enough for both of us. I cant make someone fall in love.
So again...You ask me why I am so happy? I got over you. I grew so much again as soon as I let go of you.
You will aways have a special place in my heart, you were my Jake!

Live for today!

I have not had the motivation to write lately, not because I don't have anything to say, maybe because I have too much to say. So here is a little update and I will try to write more later.

I have never been more happy than I am now in my life. It took me so long to realize that only today counts and tomorrow may not come so stop stressing about tomorrow. I LOVE my kids, being single, having the most amazing friends, for once my life feels complete!

Songs Again

Sometimes I can only post songs

Juggling is hard

The other day I broke up with I guy I was dating. I put it off because I hate to hurt people, but he was a bit crazy to say the least. I felt so much better after I broke it off. Now I am down to 2 guys I am dating right now. It is hard! I don't have too much free time so juggling in the dating world is hard. They are very different and I like them for obviously 2 different reasons. One loves to travel, he is very simple, very honest and up front with me. We are planning on going to Seattle together on a road trip. We talk for hrs about what we like and dislike, we seem to be on the same page. He feels like I am his sole mate and wished he would have met me 10 yrs ago. I told him 10 yrs ago I was not what he wanted, he wanted all that freedom, he had it and now has regrets. But I am not as physically attracted to him as I want to be or maybe it's that I don't feel that crazy passion for him. The other guy is very good looking, easy to talk to but I'm scared to really get to know him for some reason. There is a lot of sexual attraction, maybe that is why I don't want to see him that often. I don't want to have sex with anyone til I have more of a commitment, that's just how I am. Now there are 2 of my guy friends that want more from me. They both are trying to convince me that they would be the right guy for me. I think the problem is I have become too picky. I know what I want, so now am I going to search for that person I will never find? I want to find someone but I don't want to date, does that even make sense???

Awesome Date!

So, I had an amazing date tonight. We started off at a little pub that I recommended, great conversation, great body language and lots of laughs. We then proceeded to walk over to the movie theater close by. Looking at the times and choices he asked if we should see a movie I have been wanting to see "Letters to Juliette". Seemed perfect, right? But..I could not help but finding myself getting lost in a memory, in someone else, someone in the past. Why cant I escape this ghost? A man that I cant get out of my head, someone that was never mine. Is it the person or the essence of the man I want?

I love 80's love songs!!!

Here are a few that I find myself listening to late at night.

True Colors

Each day I learn something new, if I don't, than what was the day for? Sometimes the things I learn, I cant seem to apply right away but none the less I learn. I love the fact that all my friends are so different and come from all walks of the world. It is so much easier to give advice, tell some one how they are perceived, or what they need to do vs. tell yourself and apply that same theory to your own life. Each day we work on ourselves, to make us better people, where we can help our our next friend through their trials. I am working on knowing that I am amazing, beautiful and I have so much to offer this world. I know this is true but sometimes find my self doubting my qualities or worth. In the past I've taken what I can get instead of demanding what I deserve, not anymore. This fault is a big one and I know I will work on it until it is conquered. I am worth it and I need to be an example to my kids to show them what true confidence looks like.

This song reminds me how important friends are and we're beautiful!